J_____ was born into a rabid pack of scientific geniuses in the deep dark depths of Blacksburg, Virginia. Home-schooled in the Montessori tradition, she is fluent in three distinct languages including English, Spanish and the Appalachian mountain dialect "hick."

She lives in Jasper, Mississippi with Rennie the Zen-master, a little houdini, and raindrops as her neighbors. J_____ has been known to frequent local restaurants with a plastic camera in hand looking for a particular bearded man known only as D__.

J_____ is an accomplished chainsaw artist and has frequently reduced entire forests of trees to life-sized beaver colonies. On occasion she produces menacing bear statues and places them in the local town square in compromising poses for tourists to gawk at.

She is 13 years old and still won't finish her milk.